16 – Doing too much?

Tune into Episode 16 – Doing too much? right here in your browser, find it on your favourite platform (head here for the links) or keep reading for a transcript.

Welcome hi hello – I’ve said this completely the wrong way around, but we’re going to go with the flow in this one.

Hi, welcome to this episode of the Rules Are Made up.

Just a heads up before we keep going if you hear some weird random noises in the background, that’ll be my puppy Chewie making noises, having fun wrecking his great or doing whatever he does.

I had hoped to record this while he was having a wee little nap like puppies do they love sleeping but I had some other shit to do instead and now I am trying to record this as soon as I can and he isn’t sleeping so…

I could just try and wait until he goes back for a nap but you know what I am done waiting for the right time, I am done trying to… this entire podcast and really what I’m all about and what my coaching is about is to say fuck you to the rules and write our own and working on letting go of perfectionism and needing everything to be freaking perfect.

And this episode will just be one of those, there might be some weird pauses coming up if I have to actually hit pause on the recording and then come back because I have to sort him out or do whatever but that’s just what it’s going to be, like this isn’t going to be some polished amazing media production, it’s just me, myself and I, sitting in front of my computer doing this so that’s what you’re going to get.

I have been wrecking my brain to try and figure out what I wanted to talk about today and you know a lot of the time I want to talk about helpful things and takeaways, and you know, giving you actions giving you stuff to try out, you know so that it’s helpful for you.

But at the same time, there’s only so much that I can talk about without actually knowing you and knowing what you need right?

And there’s we’re all humans, but we’re also all very different, and we have different lived experiences and different priorities and so I wanted to actually talk about something that’s been on my mind the last couple of weeks and maybe just mean talking about it might help you.

It might give you some perspective, it might let you know that you’re not alone in thinking what you might be thinking, and if it resonates, I’d love to connect and hear from you.

But anyway, what I’ve been thinking about lately, and I was talking to my coach at Body Brain Alliance as well, Jimena – just a wee shout out to Karin Nordin and her coaching company, because they’ve been quite helpful with this too. ’cause even coaches need coaches.

Anyway, what I’ve been thinking about lately is whether or not I am doing too much.

And it’s not necessarily that I’ve like felt completely overwhelmed of like “Oh my God, I have no idea what’s going on and what I need to do”

And you know, it’s just been a, there are a lot of things going on. And I mean, I have been feeling some frustration especially like last week I had a bit of a breakdown while trying to record my podcast ’cause someone just would not be quiet right?

Whereas this week I’ll make sure that you know what I don’t care if he’s not quiet in the background.

Uhm, so there’s definitely been frustration and just, you know, questioning if I’m just doing too much.

And objectively like, I’m not saying this to boast or to be like “look at me, I’m doing all these things” but I think objectively you could argue I’ve got a lot going on, right?

I work full time for a local bank, I run my own coaching business alongside that, where I’m supporting several clients, I record this podcast I create other content from emails and social media, stuff like that; I am back at UNI studying psychology, I’m only doing a course of semester so the load isn’t that much in that regard, but you know it’s still something additional on top and we got a puppy two months ago, almost three months now. And as of last week, I’m a freshly baked volunteer crisis counselor for a UK based mental health charity and organization that supports people in crisis via text.

And you know, I think, objectively, that is a lot going on at the same time, and I think it’s fair that my brains like what the fuck are you doing? And part of me also wants to respond in agreement.

It’s like, “Yeah, actually what the fuck are you doing? Why are you doing all of these things?

And something that is clear to me though, while doing, like, yes, this might seem like a lot – but actually at the end of the day, all of these things, like all of these roads, lead to one thing right.

And sorry to anyone who’s listening from my current job, but my goal, my dream, my vision, my mission is to support others with their mindfulness, mind management and mental well-being and mental health right?

I want to help other people be less of a dick to themselves. Right, I want you to know that the rules are made up and you can make your own. I want you to be able to navigate life with more coping and mind management skills than you have right now.

And running my own business already supporting people, going to uni to actually get some formal education and also supporting people on a volunteer basis who are actually in crisis – is all part of that.

So to me, it actually isn’t like, Oh my God, yet something else on my plate.

It actually is all part of the overarching goal that I’m working towards over the coming years.

Right, so in my head, I’m like you know what, actually it isn’t too much. Because it’s what I want to do?

And sure there is something to be said about you know, critically thinking about just how much we take on and how that makes us feel.

And I think if I was in a place where I’m like fuck, this is just too much, I just don’t want to do it anymore.

Then yeah, let’s you know I’ll be like, hey Neens, let’s have that conversation, I’ll probably have that conversation with, the Hubster and my therapist and friends and my coach and a bunch of other people to actually figure out “Well, maybe something has to give here.”

And then figure out,  as painfully as it will be, what that is.

Right, But I’m actually not at that point.

And as horrible as the phrase I’m about to use, as horrible as I find it – and a lot of times ’cause there’s so much nuance that gets missed and you know the conversation on social media and stuff, but you know that phrase when people say “choose your hard”

It kinda in a weird way,  it applies to this right? Like on the face of it having it assignment due and on the same day supporting someone in crisis, and I’m not going to go into details of what that entails, but you can imagine that and you know having to deal and having to navigate that from an emotional point of view and working on your assignment and also holding space for clients that can feel like a lot.

And it is like I’m not going to lie, it’s hard sometimes.

And I’ve only started the volunteering, so I don’t you know, I’ve only had my first shift this past week.

You know that stuff feels hard when the, when the puppy’s biting or coming in like he is right now and about to make a raucus, he’ll probably bark in a second ’cause he wants to play or he wants to go out.

You know that shit is hard. There we go in the moment it feels freaking hard. But I want this hard. Right, I want to do all of these things so there is this intrinsic motivation for me to keep going.

Don’t worry by the way this isn’t going to turn into a show about motivation and how amazing it is or whatever else, is probably its own episode for another day and to dissect all the bullshit messaging that comes with that, because motivation is a fleeting thing anyway, and while I’ve just said that I have intrinsic motivation to still, you know, go through the hard days.

I’m not going to lie and sugarcoat it.

There are days that I would rather not do it, there are days when I wish I hadn’t signed up for Uni, there are days when I wish my business was doing better and I didn’t have to also work full time (and again I’m sorry if you’re one of my colleagues, but you know sometimes this is what goes through my brain).

I think what it comes down to is that I am choosing this right, I’m choosing to do all of these things.

I am also choosing, by choosing those things – I’m also choosing not to do other things. Like for example, really focusing on recovery and rehab and getting strong again. That is as much as I still go into the gym and I’m going for walks.

Movement goals and performance goals in that space are pretty much on the back burner at the moment because my body needs to, needs all its brain, power and energy to do all the other stuff. And that’s that’s OK. That’s just this season of life right?

And so if I want you to take away anything from this, is that yes, I might be doing a lot of shit right now.

I might have a lot on my plate, but firstly I chose, I choose, I am choosing to have this on my plate, but that also means that I am not choosing other things, on purpose.

And I think that is something that gets missed a lot when you see people you know they have the business, they do this, they’d be that they do all the things that you think you want to be doing.

And that’s great, but chances are they are also making,  you don’t see some of the choices that they’re making right – because that shit doesn’t sell their programs or they just don’t want you to know ’cause actually you don’t have to share everything these days on social media, even though some people think you do.

Right and so, and even the people that are very vocal and open about how their lives aren’t actually balanced, right, they don’t have it all because they are deliberately making choices and sacrifices.

Even when they say that, they’re not – people don’t believe them.

And they just ask them, how do you do it all? You don’t. You don’t do it all.

Right, as much as I’ve gone through just before and said all the things that I’m I’ve got going on for me.

Things I’m not doing is hang out with a lot of friends, and yes, you know, covid be dammed, I could probably go and hang out with people more, but I choose not to ’cause I’ve got, I’ve got almost no free time.

And I choose like I say, I choose not to invest as much of my time in the gym at the moment. It’s more an outlet for me to get some me time and to get some movement in, but it’s not where I spend a lot of my time whereas a couple of years ago that would have been different and I had, you know, different kinds of goals even at the start of this year damn it, I had, I wanted to run and I wanted to lift and I wanted to do all these things, but then my body and clearly my brain had other ideas.

And that’s OK. It’s just that it’s just this is the season that I’m in.

And so again, I’m probably partly repeating myself – what I want you to take away from this episode is that if you’re wondering if you can do it all or you see people that are doing a lot of things and you know you want to be doing those things too.

I just want you to ask yourself – are you truly doing the things that you really want to be doing?

Like deep down, does what you want to do align with a bigger goal. Does it align with your values? If you have done some inquiry work and you’ve got you know, like a purpose?

Does it align right as woo-woo as it sounds, are all the things you’ve got on your plate, do they align to the thing, to the future version of that you want to be?

And if they don’t, then maybe that’s worth digging into a little bit more.

And if they do, that’s awesome! But also, figure out if, not if – WHAT  the things are that you’re not choosing to do right now.

Because I don’t really want to guarantee it, ’cause I don’t know you right?

But I’m going to hazard a guess that there probably will be one or two things that you are deliberately choosing NOT to do and they don’t have to be big things there could be small things.

But I just want you to get curious and have a bit of a think about that.

And with that being said, I’m going to call it quits here and I’ll chat to you next week, thanks for listening.

Links for you:
Check out my new free mini course Tune In – learn how to build (or improve) your self-awareness skills in less than 15 minutes.
I gave a shout out to my coach at Body Brain Alliance – check em out