26 – Navigating comparison & other challenges with lydia barrington

Tune into Episode 26 – Navigating comparison & other challenges right here in your browser, find it on your favourite platform (head here for the links) or keep reading for a transcript.

Links mentioned in this episode:

You can listen to our previous episode here.

Find Lydia and the Badass Collective on Instagram.

Check out her website and coaching programs.

transcript (not edited)

Neens

Kia ora everyone. Welcome back to the rules are made-up!  in this episode. I am not by myself. I am joined by my friend or coach and all around badassLydia. Welcome to the pod again for the second time. How’s it going?

Lydia

Oh, it’s going great I’m I’m so stoked to be back here.

Neens

Awesome, even though you’ve been on the show before and it’s told UM told us about your origin story and what you do and all of that good stuff for anyone that hasn’t listened to that episode.

And obviously, we’re going to link it in the show notes so you can go back. I think is one of the earlier ones and from memory come.

We’ll put all of that in the show notes, but just, you know, give us the Cliffs, notes version of.

Who you are sort of a bit of your, you know, origin story, what you do and who you work.

With and all that kind of stuff.

Lydia

Sweet well I guess like an updated version of where I’m at at the moment is I am working as a personal trainer, an online coach, and I essentially am helping women to gain like a stronger sense of self and a body to go with that and I use fitness and personal development to do that.

And so I’m currently based in Dunedin and working at a local gym with my in person clients and then also doing online training as.

Well with a lot of my female clients as well.

So that’s kind of where I’m at with the workspace. So over this past year since moving here, I’ve been trying to actually figure out what it is that I wanted to do.

And then try to create a business and then try and like navigate everything else on top of that.

So it’s been like quite a journey. Like we mentioned before, it’s like yeah the trajectory is going up, but it definitely feels like a bit of a roller coaster at sometimes, but it.

Like you know, it’s the thing that I’m supposed to be doing because I just feel like so fulfilled from doing it.

So even on the days where you had that self doubt, I know that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing ’cause I just love coaching.

Neens

It’s awesome and I think that’s a great, UM I don’t know Segways, the right word, but I think we we sort of chit chatted about what we could talk on this episode and like and the first one, there was a lot of you know, nuggies as you like to call them to take away for listeners.

When it comes to mind set and and things like that and.

I think as much as there might be some of that coming out of this episode 2.

I think we sort of thought it was a good idea to actually talk a bit more about the journey of, you know, entrepreneurship.

Starting a business, running a business, trying you know, and navigating that day today.

And I think we can. Probably as we maybe go along, there are so many parallels to any other kind of growth journey and I think like a lot of people say you know, starting your own business or running your own business.

The most challenging personal growth journey in and of itself because you constantly have to, you know, push against that.

That boundary of their comfort zone and try and push. Through that and but at the same time I.

Think there’s a lot of nuggets, Nuggets of wisdom that we can take from.

Navigating that journey and apply it to you know strength training or wanting to run a marathon.

We know whatever kind of goal and it doesn’t even have to be fitness or health related.

It could be you know Keurig or anything really anything you wanna do.

There’s probably parallels, or, you know, analogies that we can make, because as much as they’re

Different because it all comes back to us as the human.

There’s gonna be stuff that we can use in concepts we can use to sort of talk about. OK.

And you know, maybe it.

Includes some takeaways as we go along.

I think a big topic that certainly.

I see with myself and less and less so, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t show.

Up just recognize it faster is good or comparison and I think that’s a big one.

In the German, I’m sure that you see with you know your clients too, but we can probably maybe start with how we.

See it in our own lives and maybe you know as business owners, but also you know as people who have other goals outside of business too, and what that looks like and then.

And you know, we can talk about it where else it shows up and maybe.

How we can manage our our minds and our thoughts a little bit when we notice that it comes up so I don’t know if you.

Want to go first so.

That you don’t talk about.

It, and if you don’t like it.

But if there’s you know it’s it’s sort of areas where you notice it creeps up a lot, and whether that’s fitness or business or anything else.

Come and just it’s, you know, share some examples.

And then we’ll just. See where the comvo goes from there.

Lydia

Yeah, and with the comparison thing I think I experience it a lot and especially when I was like unsure around the direction that I wanted to go.

So when I started the.

Online coaching when I first originally moved here, I didn’t think I was going to do that in person.

And I also was just doing the training side of things and then when I actually figured out that I wanted to do the personal development and mashed them together.

That was like the first, like, OK, this is like a hard moment like this feels good and that was me doing like a lot of my own and a work.

And like you said, I feel like the entrepreneur journey.

Is very much like a self actualization journey, ’cause you’re actually figuring out who you are, what you wanna do, and how you’re going to become that person.

So I was going through all of that.

And then I would look at people in that space like on social media.

And I’m not dissing social media, but this was me looking at it and.

I was like **** like they’ve got.

It all figured out like they’re crushing it.

They’re like, you know, all these clients, and they’re financially free and they’re like traveling the world, and I’m.

Over here, like what the?

I’m not doing it fast enough, I’m doing it.

Wrong, I must need to do something.

Different, UM constantly, like having that self doubt and like to now where I’m at a point where like I am actually in the gym and I’m online and I am combining the fitness and personal development.

Like I said, it feels like really, really good and I’ve just now started blocking those things out so.

If there is someone on social media that I feel if I’m negatively like comparing myself with them.

I just unfollowed, like as simple as that like you are who you surround yourself with, whether they’re virtual or in person, and I need people and things to be consuming that are actually helping me on my journey and not me comparing to them, and that’s not taken away from their success, but it’s actually like if I’m focusing so much on them and their journey, I’m actually taken away from.

Me and my journey, if that makes sense.

Neens

Oh, 100% and I think. There’s there’s also other I was gonna if you hadn’t seat the whole you know, unfollow or even mute.

You know, if you still wanna support people because they’re your friends or whatever, but you can’t see you know you can’t see their stuff showing up on your feet all the time.

There’s this nifty little mute function, right?

And you can actually follow them, but mute stories and posts.

Or either of those things if you just don’t want to get bombarded with it.

And so I think that’s another.

That’s the first one, but I think there’s also.

You know, and maybe even writing it on a post it note on your phone somewhere, so you can remind yourself if you need.

To end the moment.

A lot of the stuff that Anna I know everyone sees it right.

It’s a highlight. Reel it’s you know, and as much as we all comments like yes, I understand.

Yeah, doesn’t mean when you look at it, you’re not.

Look at that or you know, look at.

You know they’re sharing their business goals and how they’ve achieved them.

Like so much faster than they thought or whatever.

But then. I think that understanding it’s you know you don’t see everything, but also you know they might be. On you know chapter.

15 and you’re on chapter three.

Yeah, right?

Or even if you, if you take it to a training context, right?

If you see someone lifting heavier weights in the gym, maybe they’ve been edit for freaking five years and you’ve just started.

Like you, logically you know logic.

There’s no point comparing yourself to there.

Yeah, and it it feels sometimes it feels actually it feels easier to be like, Oh yeah, why am I?

You know, if they’ve been lifting for so long like there’s no point for me to compare myself to that to them.

Yeah, I know that I’ve just started, but somehow it feels so much harder to do when it’s.

You know business stuff.

Or maybe it’s because it’s the virtual thing you know.

Like if you’re literally going to the gym.

I don’t because it’s more tangible to see to literally see that person you know next to you in the rack or whatever versus.

You were seeing so many different people online, it almost becomes like this.

Ah, what’s the word like this mix like this mashup of like all these different people that you see that are way ahead of you, but they kind of become morph into this one unattainable?

You know, seeing that you keep comparing yourself to when you know there are so many?

Things that.

They have that either you.

You don’t write and print.

Like privileges, a massive thing in there.

Uhm, plays a massive role here as well, right?

Like I keep comparing myself to, you know people who’ve started things.

But then you know, have they?

You know, didn’t need to have a day job because they were financially secure enough because of you know inheritances or you know how husbands working or whatever else, right?

It’s like it’s that compares.

It’s like apples and oranges, or all of it is really apples and oranges because the only yeah and as much as.

I actually wanna be loath to even say you’re the only person you should comparing yourself to is you actually made a post about that the other day, because even then you know if you compare yourself to what you used to be able to do or what.

You used to do.

That doesn’t necessarily help you.

To move forward, if you know ’cause you actually just trying to get back to something as opposed to.

Moving forward.

Uhm, but it’s really interesting ’cause we see you.

Know a.

Lot of the people you see they either.

They’ve been at it for.

So long that actually.

Of course, they’re going to be where they are because they’ve been putting in the work they’ve been.

You know, doing it for that long.

Or even people that you see that are incredibly successful and you know seemed to grow super fast up from a business.

Point of view.

There’s reasons for their right, and if they’re.

You know transparent and and you know want to be transparent about it.

Then they’ll share that.

One of my former.

Coaches she had today how she got to a massive like milestone goal in her business and she’s like look.

I also, you know start it small like here’s where how I started and here’s how long you know, yes, from the outside it looks like I’m I was this overnight success.

And and you.

Right? Instagram terms maybe?

I was because I was able to grow from like working just me to now having four staff in a year, right?

That that’s huge, and that’s awesome.

But also, here’s all the things that I’ve done.

Here’s the education I have, and you know, here’s all the things that combined to me being able to do this.

And no one else has exactly the same combination of things, so it’s like why do we keep to follow this?

You know part when actually we can just, you know, go and cut out, you know, cut the bridge master maker over.

Yeah, there’s probably enough.

You know I don’t know, that’s it’s.

It’s going to analogy that I probably shouldn’t.

’cause we need to keep the forests.

Chuck, you know, cut them down.

Yeah, I know.

Lydia: I mean, and I think it’s interesting.

To with the business stuff ’cause I feel like.

Yeah, a lot of the things when I initially was starting that I was trying to consume around the business.

It’s like oh you can like you should be.

Earning this, they get like not.

Particularly, they were saying that to me, but it’s like, oh, you know, grow whatever this income in this many months or you know, have these many clients by this amount of time and all that kind of thing.

And it was just like **** Why am I not getting that, you know.

And it’s like this pressure and expectation that you think.

That you’re *******

Up because you’re not matching what these.

People are saying and then I find it also interesting as like some of these other people who have been really successful.

Made it and and it could be in a short amount of time or whatever you kind of like.

Feel this huge disconnect like how do I ever get to that?

You know, like how I’m here, like how do I get there?

And that’s yeah, comparing ’cause you’re like.

OK well I should be achieving what they’re doing but then also.

I feel like.

They now they talk about balance and stuff, but I don’t think they talk about the struggle and the ship that goes along the way.

It’s just like Oh yeah, I made.

It and this is like huge stereotype like and this is a big blanket.

Not everyone does this and I’m sure they you know the way that they might communicate in a podcast or whatever.

Sounds like that, but.

I feel like there’s not enough about the struggle and the hardship and the ship that you actually go through on a day-to-day basis.

Like some days.

It feels like you’re flying on.

The mountain and then it feels like.

You’re in the dark ditch, you know?

Neens

Yeah, and I think there’s a few that and maybe it’s you know, like you were saying before, like.

You are, you know who you surround yourself with, and maybe it’s you know I’ve made an effort to not just be in my own kind of echo chamber to agree, right?

But I think from what I see on social media, ’cause let’s, let’s face it, we’re most of us.

See this stuff.

It’s like there’s more people talking about you know that you know the first couple of years.

It was hard or the first few years you know they still worked part time or even full time because they had to in order to support.

Themselves right? And it’s only because they’ve put in this work over 2/3 even five years like I’m loving the better people talk about, you know, this isn’t, uh, you’re not necessarily able to do all of this within like a year or two like some people have been edit for.

You know 5 even ten years and then now at a point where they’re, you know, making the mythical 6 or even seven figures, but it’s taking them a lot of time and a lot of learning.

And a lot of.

Growth and doing their own work to be able to get to that, and because that’s not what you know, you only see them now.

I think I feel like.

Some of the quote UN quote good people start talking about, well, this isn’t the only you know. It isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.

And yeah, it is some days it is really hard.

You know in some days even now you know you get to work for yourself and you make 60 some days you don’t want to get.

Up and.

Do anything you know and that’s OK, yeah? Because human on this that.

Yeah, that’s part of.

The journey right?

I was gonna say oh I was gonna say something else as you were talking.

Oh that’s right, the you know how everyone makes out that there’s like these common goals that everyone has of like you know making a certain amount of money per year per month or whatever, or scaling or whatever.

The fact that even means. But what if you don’t want to?

Like it feels like a lot of people are making it out to be this thing which then almost stops you.

From, you know, going back within an experience.

Is this really what I want to be and not necessarily?

Is this what I want to be doing?

’cause I think a lot of us, you know we go, we get into it because it is what we want to do or there is at least something we want to explore and try out. Yeah, but for the 1st and I know you’ve been around $0.09. I first like started.

Sending you know that like she’s three almost three years ago?

Where that started to where I, you know kind of went for a while to where I’m at it’s almost come again.

Full circle in terms of what I talk about and.

Heart, you know what I want to help people with?

And at the crux of it, it always has been around, like the mental you know, side of things and to help people to just not be addicted themselves.

It’s my tagline.

You know when I first started in doing some freaking horrible business courses and things out there, it was.

I had to quit my, you know he’ll have to go to part time at my full time job.

And you know, just get this kind of income and it’s like.

Dreams and things to think about, and that’s awesome to hear you know.

And I’d argue there probably is something about having scary goals that like scare the **** out of you because you know they also help to keep you moving and taking action.

But a lot of.

This sort of at the time there wasn’t a lot of coaching or anything around here, is actually what the function needs to do.

It’s that dream big and do this, and it’s like you know, just do a website and have an e-mail list and do all these other things.

And it’s not like actually teaching you the day today, and also there was nothing that actually helped to figure out well.

Do you want to be able to?

You don’t eventually leave your full time job.

Not for you know, for someone in my position who does still work full time.

You know, at the moment I’m actually pretty OK.

Working there and doing my own thing on the side because they fulfill me in different ways.

Where is probably at the time I started this entire thing, that probably wasn’t true, which is probably why I had the unrealistic expectation, but I think there’s a lot of heat, like having to quit, or, you know, just be your own boss and do the thing.

Doesn’t have to be the only end game, right?

Like it can look so many different ways.

And I don’t think that nuance and sort of that those different things get talked about.

And often I actually feel like maybe making it a bit more actionable to some people who are listening.

Back to like a training kind of.

Example, it’s probably it’s almost like a similar thing where you’ve got people out or you have to train to get stronger and.

You know, get PBS, and to maybe do a lifting competition or whatever else, and it’s like you’re always chasing you, know a number or something else versus.

But can you just train because you ******* enjoy lifting like and if you you know is there some structure you should follow?

But that doesn’t mean that that structure has to like lead to being able to put on, you know, a couple of KGS on your back squat over, you know six months or whatever.

It could literally just be.

Structured to make sure you, you know, balance it out.

You know more than.

Better than I do.

But you know, like there’s people like, you don’t have to do the thing.

With blackness in state, in my end it’s like you can do the thing for the joy of it and because.

You know it.

It ******* makes you.

Happy and it fulfills you.

But it doesn’t have to always.

The reason why you do it has to can be different from person to person and it doesn’t.

Have to be.

The same and I feel like with.

Business, it can often feel like it.

Has to look.

You know everyone has to be in business.

To be able to.

That everyone wants to scale.

Everyone wants to be able to do those things and with that.

No, maybe yeah.

Like there’s people out there who want to build an empire, you know, not multimillion corporations or whatever, and that’s amazing.

And like some people like greens who are on their path to doing that.

How they’re doing it and they miss you know their part of the the the army said I’m not going for it.

We need more of like we actually you know doing similar things but.

People need what you have to say and the way that you say it, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t need what I have to say definitely.

And how I say it.

And maybe even where I say it in terms of, you know, countries or locations.

Yeah, and.

You know, just because they’re off building an empire doesn’t mean I can be happy and content.

You know, working having it as a side thing.

And maybe that changes, and that’s also OK.

Lydia

Yeah, I I totally agree.

I think as well like when I think about the business stuff.

Probably you could relate when you first started as well.

I think because if you are entering and this could be the same with fitness and training when you are entering into a new arena, you kind of don’t really know where to go and lists you know someone kind of guiding you just like.

Yeah, you could just drop to the gym and be like what the **** am I doing?

Like you feel really awkward and you’re.

Looking around like.

Oh **** they’ve all got it all figured out.

And the same with business, like when you’re talking about the scaling thing, and I remember like reading business books and you know trying to, like fully immerse myself.

And it’s like, yeah, scale and go for these numbers and you should have this lesson you should be on all these social media platforms.

And I’m just.

Like what the **** you know?

And then it’s.

Like oh, do I want to do that or should I buy?

Like should I be doing groups or should I be doing?

Listen, you know it’s like, whoa, like OK, wait a minute like yeah what’s the thing that I really love to do?

How can I start like doing something that’s in aligned with that and that will bring me income as well instead of thinking like I need a scale like **** I can’t even why I think about scaling if I’m not even in that position to scale yet.

But it’s this thing that is kind of like you said with the deadlifts and stuff, you don’t just go straight to 1:50, you know you have to start small.

Build your strength and then like you’ll gradually build, you know, and then why? Even go to 150 like? Is that actually something you want? Same with the scaling you know.

Neens

Yeah, yeah, I still remember I think way back this was before.

It is my business times, but I still remember, I think at one point I was proclaiming I hit that this arbitrary pull up like I wanted to be able to fit whatever 10 pull-ups and assisted.

I think I actually remember you asking me at the time why team?

I’m not good question.

Yeah, good question is some ******* arbitrary number.

Then I can ’cause I thought, you know.

10 is a good number, but have been packing 7 or could have been.

You know it’s 13.

Who gives a ****

Yeah, I think.

Doesn’t actually matter like the the IT was, you know looking back on it, the thing that mattered was the act of building the string to even just be.

Able to do.

One right and just to see like to to to you know.

Probably still you know the reason.

Mostly I I train isn’t anymore to break records, although you know I do like testing myself every now and then at the moment is to just actually make my body be OK with lifting weights again because it’s been screaming at me and.

You know herniating discs to be like slow the bug.

Down, uhm, you know.

So my goals are a bit different, but even you know it’s like we don’t.

Think about.

I think it actually isn’t in fitness and in in business and in other areas we see we like taken all these other you know goals that other people have and rules.

There’s a reason you know podcast is called.

The rules are Made-up, but you know all these rules are that you have to. You know if you.

Have you?

Have to hit 10 pull-ups unassisted.

Then you have to do that by training five times a week, and you know, here’s what your training has to look like in order to get there.

And you’re like, well, now what do I want is that even?

Is that even my like we don’t even ask ourselves often enough is this?

My goal.

And even if it is.

But it’s like do I have to go there by?

You know this many.

Days a week or you know, training this much or, you know, running groups versus doing one or one you know, or hybrid or whatever.

It’s like you get to decide.

Yeah, and you know, like with training, if you depending on what you do, you know maybe you scale back how often you do it.

And maybe that means over time the time it actually takes.

Might be longer, maybe you’re OK with it and it’s the same with with business, right?

It’s like you get to figure out what works and what’s sustainable.

For you to.

Do I think that you know as much as it feels like a buzzword?

It actually is really important because if aside from being something you actually enjoy doing, whatever it is right.

If it doesn’t, and if it doesn’t fulfill your, it doesn’t bring you that kind of.

Yeah, there’s like an awesome feeling.

Why the **** are?

You doing it?

But also, you know how you’re going about doing it and how you’re chunking up in time, or your training.

Or you know how how you.

Check up whatever you.

Do with with business it’s like.

You need to do it in a way that works for you based on all the other ship you’ve got.

Going on in in life right?

Because otherwise.

You want to stop doing it because it becomes so unmanageable, even if it is something you enjoy, you end up hating it because you’ve you’ve tried to package it into this thing just because of what you’ve seen other people do, or what you think you have to do as it actually just asking yourself how.

What would you know?

What could it look like?

Or if I could do this my way?

What does that look like and what does that feel like?

And you know, does it?

Are there seasons to it?

Is there you know, maybe for a few months you do go hard and you do, you know work 10/12 hour days because.

You have the capacity for it mentally and physically.

And it’s what you want to be able to.

You know you.

You’ve literally you’re in that place.

Do it.

But also, if if you’re not, then it’s also OK and you can.

Dial it back, but it’s like I feel like we don’t ask us hours.

A lot of these questions.

Either at all or often enough, like irregular kind of interval, because we change our circumstances can change.

So we kind of have to.

Keep checking in.

With ourselves, and I think that I think you and I both have like a good practice of doing that now, with like journaling and, you know, meditation and that kind of stuff.

I feel like so many.

People still, you know there doesn’t have to look like meditating or.

Journaling or anything like that.

It could literally just be.

After you or as, you’re listening to this.

It could just Be Oh yeah, why am I going up?

To this goal.

Is this really what I want to be at?

You know what I really want to be able to do and if it is?

I can awesome go.

You were here, cheering you on and rooting for you.

But also if it’s not or not anymore, that’s OK, because we get to change our minds.

We get to, you know, as we learn and experience more things.

It’s OK to.

Change your mind ’cause you’ll do that.

That literally means you’re taking in information and re forming your.

Opinions like that’s a good thing.

Lydia

Yeah, Disney World.

Neens

It’s not a bad thing, and I think like a lot of messaging makes it out like you know.

If you have a goal, you have to stick with it and you have to willpower and white knuckle your way through.

It, and it’s just.

No, there’s not one way.

To do stuff and.

So, but I’m I’ll go.

Lydia

No, I love that.

’cause like also it’s I think that we can fall into that sunken cost fallacy to like if we have been working towards something for.

So long it’s like Oh no.

You know I’ve invested so much time and money towards that thing, but yeah, I feel like you can get the sense of feeling like if you can actually trust your intuition and gut you know.

If something feels right or if it does.

And yes, sometimes it’s kind of like FCK.

I actually don’t want to do that anymore, and that’s OK.

And it’s yeah, like blocking out what other people are gonna think because at the end of the day, this is your life.

And if you are working towards a goal, whether it’s in the gym or in business, and it’s no.

Longer feeling good like.

Fox stop doing it and it’s easier said than.

Done, but we can’t.

Actually like, yeah, I understand like this is not something that’s bringing me fulfillment or value or helping me level up.

Or how I want to show up then I think that’s really important to investigate that it’s kind of like, you know, if we use training as an analogy and people like, oh, I’m running.

But I ******* hate it.

It’s like you don’t have to.

Run to get fit.

You know, and so with the business like you.

Don’t have to do it just because this really successful person does it that way.

It’s like take little bits from people that you know you feel aligned with, and you can kind of make it your own.

So it’s like, Oh yeah, I think I think that’s awesome.

Try it if it feels good.

Yeah, keep going.

If it doesn’t, it’s like OK.

Maybe something else like experiment?

And try and I think as well with the comparison thing like you know they they can say that comparison is the thief of joy, which I agree.

But also I think comparison can actually bring insight into something much more that you might want to look into.

So for example, what I mean is like if you are comparing whether it’s.

A fitness thing or business.

What is it that you think that you are missing out on?

And generally it’s going to be linked back to a feeling that you are seeking so it’s like, OK, I’m comparing with this person.

Whether you’re on Instagram and you’re scrolling and.

You’re like, Oh my God.

They’re so fit and athletic and it’s like you know, if I was like that I would feel and it’s like oh, what’s that?

Feeling that you seek.

So it’s really like you can use.

It to your advantage and as a tool.

Be like oh OK, I actually want to feel more confident in my body.

How can I do that?

You know, or I want to feel like I’ve got more freedom in my business.

How can I do that?

So I think there’s definitely some nuggies, even though it might not feel like it at the time.

There’s some bug is to be, you know, sought after when you are comparing.

Neens

Yeah, I think it’s it’s so true with a lot of other thoughts.

You know, like.

It’s it’s often.

You know, and again like you said, it doesn’t feel like that at.

The time, but our brains, you know as much as they can be.

Incredibly freaking frustrating are also very, very smart.

Little we’re not actually little organs, depending on.

And they, you know, like the thoughts that you sing like you.

You’re thinking them for a reason.

There may not be helpful.

Especially in hindsight, but at the moment, in time that you’re thinking them.

They’re trying to tell you something right, and that’s why.

And it certainly you know.

Tuning in like in how?

Learning how to understand, not miss it, even under you don’t have to.

Understand your thoughts or.

Whatever but you you know tuning in and actually being able to see or what what’s, what’s, you know what’s going on in my brain right now?

What is my brain trying?

And tell me and do I need to lean into that and tune into that a little bit more and you know, is it trying to tell me that maybe you know, like if I’m not feeling motivated if I don’t want to do something, is there something that is it telling me something?

Is it trying to, you know, is it trying to tell me, hey, you’ve been doing a lot lately?

That maybe it’s time to slow down, right?

Like I had a few.

Weeks months, months ago can’t even ******* remember times been a blur but I had been.

Obviously I work full time and ran my own coaching business and do this podcast.

I started volunteering for a crisis text line and in May and I’m the I’m at UNI studying.

And and and.

And I have a puppy in there that it is and it is.

And I think in June I was starting to ramp up again to launch my group program ’cause I’ve been running it a couple of times and you know, had a few people through it.

No, not not huge numbers ’cause you know it’s business and successes.

It’s made out to be, but I had a couple people through it had good feedback so I was like, Oh yeah, I kind of want to do it again.

And UM.

You know, started writing quite like planning it out, writing content for it started talking about it.

But I kept having this like nagging.

Being it a bit like thought coming back.

Of life, I just can’t.

Be ******* bothered.

Let this resistance towards talking about it.

And that doesn’t mean that I don’t believe that program was shipped.

It was.

I still think it was actually a really cool thing.

To come out of my brain but.

I, you know, did take some time to sort of say well, what’s going on in my brain.

I talked it through with some people and I was like you know what?

Maybe this was my brain in my body’s way of telling me.

Slow down dude.

No, maybe right now is not the time.

To do it.

Right, and so ’cause I think something that I think I shared it on the podcast before, so I don’t mind talking about it now ’cause I feel like, you know.

Transparency is a good thing, but I hardly.

And I’ve been trying.

To start a family for awhile and it hadn’t been happening so we started to get medical assistance.

And the specialist basically looked at our test results, although.

I don’t know why you’re here.

Why, you know?

I don’t know why you need my help.

Like you shouldn’t need my help based on just those things and so I ended up.

He did suggest one thing that could have been hampering the effects, which is endometriosis, and so I actually had surgery a couple of weeks ago to check if I have it and if I dared to take it out.

And I did in fact, have it.

And they did take it out, UM?

So we’re sort of back to square one now, but something else that you know after having that conversation with them, I was thinking, am I stress too stressed, right?

Even though I’m not in this kind of frantic Oh my God, I’ve got all this **** going on, you know, not in this overwhelmed state.

That doesn’t mean that.

I’m not under stress and that my body isn’t, you know, trying to respond and manage the stress and whatever which way.

And just because I enjoy doing all the things right, I do enjoy my job.

I said the time.

Let’s be.

Let’s be real here some days.

But I do enjoy, you know, working with my clients running this business again.

Some days, uh, schitt, but enjoy the time.

It’s good I want to learn.

I want to study.

I wanted to volunteer and I wanted to run the group thing.

I’m not just because I want to do all of these things doesn’t necessarily mean.

That they’re all.

Helping me at this point in time or that I.

Have to do.

Them all at the same time, and that because I was trying to do so much my.

Body was up.

Are you sure?

Maybe maybe right now isn’t.

A good time instead of family you know, and and so that I ended up deciding to not like.

I’ve actually started the launch for my group and decided you know what?

I’m not going to do it.

Umm, because it was.

Just too much on you know.

My nervousness in my browser.

I if I’m that dead against it, then I actually need to listen to that and.

As soon as I said like I sent out an e-mail and announced.

It as soon as I.

Did that.

I was like, Buck.

There’s such a. Massive weight off my shoulder so I knew that was the right decision and same thing with the volunteering.

I ended up stopping. There as well, not just because of the, because the time commitment was minimal, but it was actually a lot of emotional stress ’cause it was texting with people who are in.

And mental health crisis so you know, as much as it was literally just texting over the computer, you’re still taking that on.

And it was too much from an emotional.Point of view and.

You know, I don’t even know where we started with all of this, I feel like I’ve gone on for like a couple of minutes just blabbing on.

But I think all of this say.

Our bodies are smart.

You know they can be frustrating and start with injuries and you know, and we can hate the way with all all this other stuff, but they’re also incredibly smart.

When it comes to telling us certain things, and I think we’ve also lost, like as a. It’s like.

Whole, you know?

Trying to cast it with a broad brush or whatever, but I feel that we’ve lost the ability to tune into that because we get bombarded with so much other messaging that it’s like we feel like we have to do what that person is doing or we have to have these goals or we have to, you know, look a certain way.

It’s not even get started with that.

As opposed to going no.

It kind of goes back to the whole going inward and going.

What the **** is it that I want to do?

Right and like that I asked myself.

I literally asked to have that question.

Before I had that surgery like as I was making that decision, I was like what the hell is it that I want to be able to do?

Right and not even trying to say if I could only do five things.

I’ve got only do this.

It’s like literally the next few months.

What do I want?

What does that look like?

And then certain things were in the picture and other things weren’t, and so is that OK.

Maybe I need to work on?

Removing them from the picture and that is OK.

Lydia

Yeah, finding out.

Neens

Yeah right.

And they they.

Making those kinds of decisions as hard as they are like they still sucked, right?

’cause then you get the doubt creeping in of like am I making the right decision?

Should I really not do this thing because we have this kind of, you know mentality of?

Having to do all the things, and you know, if we don’t then something wrong with us.

So there’s like this weird, you know where that that kind of correct back into your brain still.

But if it feels like the right thing deep down, it’s kind of like, you know.

But you need to trust like I think we we lost a lot of.

Trust and in a way it was actually a cool way for me to actually build their trust again, and to be like hey brain and body like.

I’m listening I’m doing the thing you’re telling me to do.

But it was trippy still to be.

Like why am I questioning my own like I know this is the decision I need to make, but why the bucket my questioning?

Lydia

And I mean how?

Cool that you got that feedback of like once you sent that e-mail out.

Like, huh, like you know you had that weight.

Lifted ’cause you really like.

Listen to yourself and I think also like with the comparison thing as well as like, I feel like sometimes we can put too much of a sense of urgency on these things.

To you know, have a thing completed by or that you must be at the certain point at a certain time.

Time versus you know like we are so focused on this outcome, whether we are comparing to a business sense or a fitness goal, and it’s like, oh, I have to get this thing and I have to get it now and I have to get it.

All now versus actually being like.

Well, we don’t just you know, think 1 morning I wanna be dead I want to be at the end like I want to have the outcome.

Now, so like, why is it the same with citizen business that we have to have the thing now in this outcome versus like actually OK?

It’s cool to have those goals, but how can we actually enjoy the process of working towards those goals?

Have little micro goals along the way and enjoy the process.

Of getting there.

Versus like you know, you see the success and you see this.

Transformation outcome, whether it’s you know the fitness thing and you’re like, oh.

I want that or.

With the business like I want to.

Be doing that and.

I feel like it’s so much pressure in like this expectation of like you have to have this thing now, especially if you’ve got like an achiever.

Kind of mindset like you do want to be achieving.

We want to keep going and.

Unlocking cool **** and doing all the things and you’re like, yeah **** I just want it now but it’s like whoa how do we actually still have those goals and work towards them?

But there’s live life and enjoy it along the way.

You know and experience that.

And yeah, not feel this need of like, well, your ship because you don’t have that outcome goal right now.

You know?

Neens

Oh, 100%, and I think there’s also oh, it just dropped out of my brain. I was gonna.

Say something to that and it’s gone Schitt ah, it’s gone.

Lydia

I think back to what you.

Said before about, you know when you see these things does overnight.

It’s the same with any transformation, whether it’s a body transformation of business milestone.

There’s so many things that are going around in the background and that takes time and take patience and take reps and take.

You know this process versus.

It’s not just something that you get over night, and I think because sometimes we’re not showing that process.

We have these expectations that yeah, we should be getting the results now.

Or you know if someone is as you would know, managing with the clients and expectations as a.

OK, you want to change your body.

This is going to take time and this is, you know you’re going to have to be patient because this is a process.

It’s not something that is going to happen.

Overnight you your body.

Didn’t get where it is overnight.

It took time to get there so it’s going to take time to change it.

Same with the business.

It’s actually going to take time to build your reputation.

It’s going to take.

Time to master craft.

It’s going to take time to build this thing that you want to build.

Neens

Yeah, app.

I still forgot what I was going to say before.

But I have to track him, but the.

Two things I was going to jump in.

With based on.

What you said there, so I think as long as it’s but the first thing with you know it’s a process and it’s gonna take time.

But there is literally like when I when someone signs up with me like once you know they’ve signed all the paperwork.

And that kind of thing.

We actually have like a 30 minute coaching call to to start off with so you know just talk about their challenges more and what they want to work on 1st.

But then in that call and probably almost the first few chickens afterwards.

It’s like this is a journey.

OK, so whatever.

We’re working on.

When whatever activities you know you get week on week on week on week, you’re gonna have days and weeks where you’re back to where you were when we first started working.

Or you know, some of the thought like a lot of the the mental side of it as well.

Schitt doesn’t go away right?

Like you can work on setting boundaries or you know, listening to you when not listening, tuning into your negative.

You know self talk and that inner critic.

And overtime you learn how to.

Listen to them list.

And how to you know, turn those kind of ****** unhelpful thoughts into something that’s more helpful.

But even learning how to do that takes time.

And even when you not like I, you know I’m not a master by any stretch of.

The meaning of that word that was the wrong way.

To say it, but you know I’ve been working on this ship my even by myself for quiet like.

Five years maybe.

If not longer, like really perfect purposefully.

I still get the ****** thoughts.

Right, I still like that **** always come like you just get better and better overtime at.

Recognizing that you’re having.

Those thoughts?

Right, and I’ve now lost the other thing I.

Was going to talk about. Buck, what is up with my? Brain I love your fire.

It’s the weekend, it’s the week we’re recording this on a Saturday so I’m just gonna my brains done we I?

I worked on my my unesa this morning, so I think my brain is trying.

To tell me.

The rest of the day off now.

I forgot I was well. I was gonna say something else but I forgot but.

Lydia

It’s that exciting.

I can see it on both of us when the other one is saying.

Something and then it’s like, Oh yeah, like I.

Mean you just.Want to like get in there and think about it?

Neens

No need to jump in and then you help your intention.

And then you look, yeah, I was gonna. I forgot it.

If it’s important and that is the only thing that everyone probably says, it’s important you’ll remember it.

So if I randomly try and jump in because I really I.

I even said.

I’ve got two things I need to talk about, but I completely forgot the other one.

But UM.

Lydia

I can see you searching.

Neens

She I am searching but it was it’s it’s just this.

Yeah, cotton I it’s gone.

I was trying to see you’re thinking.

That it’s gone.

It’s gone.

Lydia

I think it’s about like.

I’d be curious to ask you a question around so when we are in this journey and in this process of working towards our goals, whether it is worth.

You know our training goals or it could be our business goals or personal goals, and you know that it’s a journey.

So you being self aware, you know this is a process, you know it’s gonna take time.

How do you navigate those days when, for example, you are working towards a certain goal and it feels like you can’t get there fast.

Enough, how do you feel like you navigate that?

And I know that’s. A loaded question.

Plug and challenging, but you know.

Like some days you might feel, for example, if I apply it to the gym.

So say you’re working towards an aesthetic goal.

OK, so it could be an aesthetic goal, or it could be a weightlifting goal and you want to achieve a certain load and some days you go in and you’re like **** you.

I’m feeling so strong.

And then some days you’re like damn, I’m looking like really athletic and then some days.

It’s like, oh ****

Like I feel so weak or like oh man I’m so not happy with how I’m looking.

You know how do you navigate that when it’s like you know you’re on this path.

You know it’s a journey, you know it’s going to.

Take time, but yeah, there’s.

There’s those highs and lows of that whole process.

And how do you manage that?

Lydia

It’s based on those days.

We it doesn’t.

Neens

Yeah, that’s a great question because we all we all have those days, right? OK.

And I’ll probably once I’ve answered, I’ll probably throw it back at you as well, but I think it’s.

The first thing, and I’ve had that like the other day because I started back in.

I actually started back in the gym doing some rehab stuff but also strength training.

And, you know I was doing body weight squats and me.

My brain was like.

You were able to lift like 85.

KGS at one point.

In time, what are you doing?

It’s like body weight squats used to be your.

Warm up, it’s not.

What are you doing now?

But uhm.

It’s like I think the first thing is.

Accepting that you’re going to have those thoughts.

No matter you know, and not even if they’re few and far between, overtime, which is a great thing that you’re still going to have those thoughts because you’re.

The brains are brains.

Someday sign you’re, you’re gonna try and you know talk like shipped to yourself.

I don’t think anyone just talks positively to themselves.

Yeah, so I think the.

First thing is accepting and understanding that you’re gonna have those ****** days and those ****** thoughts and and the feelings that come with it.

Or you know, not feeling good enough or you know, feeling like a failure will feel whatever comes up.

Toys, thoughts and feel.

It then feeling like that and actually giving yourself space to feel those things and to be like OK.

You know something today is make me feel like this and you know, even if you can’t put your finger on it.

It’s OK to feel those things and to you know, to literally sit with the fields for a bit.

Because, you know, sitting with them doesn’t mean you have to wallow and like let them.

You know Pfiester or anything, but I don’t feel like it’s very productive to just try and be like jump on the be positive, you know, kind of.

Thank you.

At the same time, ’cause there is such a thing as toxic positivity, but I feel like there’s this.

You know it’s like.

Continuum of you can feel ****** for whatever you know you’re feeling ****** about.

Give yourself space in time to feel that and then be like OK, what you know is.

OK, what next?

What now?

And you know if it’s in the gem you know with the gem example that actually is the thing that I.

I can’t remember if we talked about it when we hit record or before we hit record, so if if it is earlier in the episode, sorry, not sorry for repeating myself ’cause I think it’s a valuable concept to talk about.

But as as I shared a post earlier in the week about, you know trying to get like, yes, I was able to lift, you know.

Fixed number of KGS bit like Beck squatting 80 something did lifting 130, you know pressing whatever.

Awesome achievements, awesome PBS.

Why am I actually trying?

You know, my brain was trying to tell me you used to be able to do all these things, but then I actually challenged those thoughts.

So it’s like there’s like phase one is not accepting and actually being with guys that being OK and leading those things you know happen in your brain and your body.

But then phase two.

For me, it’s kind of like challenging those thoughts a little bit of like, well, where’s this?

You know, not even necessarily where is it coming from?

But it’s like.

Why am I thinking this?

What is going on here, you know, do I actually do?

I want to get back to that level of string.

There’s like my brains trying to tell me.

You used to be able to do all these things, but then.

Do I actually want to build back up to that he did live?

Right is that I’ve herniated probably the same disk twice in the last two years.

Should I read and I’ve got as I talked about earlier, have some other plans at the moment with, you know my body.

So maybe getting back to you know?

Smashing up hippies isn’t even what I like.

That’s not my part, right, and?

Why do I think I have to get back to something that I used to be able to do?

Why can’t I look ahead instead and figure out well what is it that I you know, why am I doing this right now?

And also, is there something you know that I’m doing it for every bigger reason why I’m doing it?

Or a certain goal that I’m doing it for?

Or am I actually doing it because I enjoy moving my body that way and I’m just slowly building it up to a certain level because I enjoy, you know, throwing around a barbell, so I’m actually that’s my current goal is literally just to be able to put my body under load.

Good so I can enjoy.

Boy, those kinds of movements.

Right, and so it’s it.

Kind of goes back to, you know, do you have to?

Not why I think the why is a big part is not why are you doing and reminding yourself of.

Why are you doing it?

And the reason you know, like that you’ve use.

What’s the word I’m?

Trying to look for.

It’s like you’re doing it for a reason.

You probably already know the reason, so remind yourself of that.

But also remind yourself that.

You get to do it your way, like it doesn’t have to, and it’s so much easier said than done.

It’s so much easier said than done.

But it can literally, you know it is about.

Challenging your brain and reminding your brain that you get to do this.

However you decide to do it and that just because you’re seeing other people do it a particular way.

That’s cool.

That does not mean that you have to do it.

The same way and at the same speed.

And you know that you have to like from a business thing.

It doesn’t have to look that you don’t have to have the same business model.

If you’re training, you know you don’t have to train even the same way to achieve.

You know if you’re the more physics oriented person.

You don’t have.

To train the same way as some CrossFit athletes just to get the same physique, right, there’s multiple different ways you could go about doing that.

Or if you want to improve your endurance.

Doesn’t mean you have to ******* run.

Yeah, right like there’s multiple.

There isn’t just one path or one way to do it.

That there is your way of doing it, and not reminding ourselves of there, because I think we.

And I’ve I’ve said it before.

Probably I feel like I have.

It’s like we just lose sight off that, so a lot of it.

And I know it’s nothing like fancy tangible, really, but it’s just remind yourself of why you’re doing the thing.

Whatever The thing is.

And that you get to do it.

Your way and on you know on your own time and at your own pace, and if you have to, maybe the one tangible piece of advice.

Is write it down somewhere so you can look it up like you know I ’cause I’m in my little Home Office as.

We’re recording this so then. Obviously you won’t be able.

To see it at all as listeners.

And even let’s can’t really see it ’cause it’s all like behind my screens, but I have posted otherwise with that little bit of, you know, reminders.

Of things of that I’m learning how to do some of this shift, you know.

I think there’s one place that I can see here that literally tells me you don’t need to know everything all at once.

No, not right now.

My one of my favorite ones there.

Maybe I’ll bring back in like a real or posters don’t delete your secret sauce ’cause you’ll have something.

So just like you like visual reminders of **** like that can be really, really handy and and you know, even if you have it as posted somewhere, take a photo of that and then literally just have like a little folder.

Or you know, ****** day reminders on your phone.

If you have a some friends, you can create little albums, right?

Like literally, just do that and put it as your screen light as your background or whatever.

But visual cues can be really helpful with.

You know you there.

Challenging your thinking.

Doesn’t come.

Is easy, which it won’t at the beginning, right?

Like you’re going to need.

External cues, like the visual star to to actually help you.

Go well, hold on.

Why am I?

Thinking like this, obviously quite you know I’ll plug my podcast, I get to plug my coaching.

And and obviously you do.

You know similar things too?

That stuff helps, but even just, you know, setting yourself some visual reminders is a good first place to start.

Lydia

Definitely, and I think you’ve sparked something in me as well when we talk about the comparison thing, and I know sometimes that going back to what you used to be able to do isn’t helpful, but then also it can be a really could like cool tool to actually see how far.

You’ve come like us.

Neens

Oh yeah, yeah.

Lydia

Yeah, like I know I do it a lot with my own clients is I do a lot of videos and I’m like I’m not videoing you for the sake of it.

This is actually like a part of your journey like you can.

Thank this, come back and be like holy **** like I’ve actually come so far.

Neens

Yeah, like I fit into it to.

I think like yesterday.

I did.

Kettlebell sumo deadlift with a 16 KG.

KBL which is.

Buckle for someone who used to like my all time personal best deadlift as 130 KGS. It’s like a tiny smidgen.

Right and my brain was that.

This is like this is ********

I love seeing a ******** it’ll bell.

Right, But then even then?

I reminded myself.

Two months ago I couldn’t ******* bend over without being in agony.

So you know, in a way looking back in that I take, I do take your point as much as I was having or don’t you know you don’t have to keep trying to become their.

I think it’s more about becoming, you know, it’s like you can use those as like anchor points in ways to you know, not to compare but to like.

In flunt that to help you to help you remind yourself of yeah, like you said, where you’ve come from.

Or to you know to to be able to on the days where it feels like you’ve not made a lot.

Of progress.

You know, remind yourself of what actually should I have.

Like even you know in a business context as.

Like remember the days you had zero clients, even if it feels like you only have you know three and you’re like you know like everyone else says like heaps.

But there were times when you had.

Zero and you currently you’re you’re currently working with people like that is something.

Yeah, right, but I feel like so far it’s and again it’s like it comes back to like challenging our own thinking ’cause I feel like looking back when we do it from this place of wanting to get back to that version of ourselves or.

Wanting to.

You know, get back to previous goals or left or whatever we’ve had.

It’s like we even we.

We put those like this.

A small part of that on a pedestal, without even necessarily remembering all the other stuff around it that was going on at the time.

Like you know, number one, then #2. We’re also we’re different, right? Like the person I was when I was lifting 130 KGS.

A completely different.

Person who I am today, not just from a you know where I look and how I work out in whatever but also just how I live.

My life right now.

I mean that person existed before we lived in a ******* pandemic to begin.

But it’s you know something to consider when you catch yourself.

In that comparison I I sometimes I don’t know why I do it.

I think sometimes Instagram reminds me, but sometimes I just randomly scroll back to like, you know, two or three years ago on my feed, which is when I used to post a lot of like workout videos of myself and I was a lot.

Lena then than I am now and you know, that doesn’t mean I I wasn’t putting in the work back then or any of that kind of stuff.

And sometimes, like you know, the thoughts come.

In about, you know, being asked to look like that again, or.

You know, do I, you know?

I was so much Lena.

I’m fat now.

Whatever you know, all those kind of thoughts creep in.

But then because I can recognize those thoughts quite quickly, I then also go well.

What else was going on at the time?

For starters, I wasn’t studying.

I didn’t actually have a business, so I literally just had work and working out.

I also wasn’t feeding myself enough and I was working with someone at the.

Time, who shall?

Remain nameless, but I I wasn’t feeding myself enough that actually lost.

My site that I had a wonky cycle for a.

Few months because of that.

Right, and so a lot of the top, but in immediately, that’s not where your brain goes right away.

Your brain just goes.

You used to be able to do that **** and.

Now you can’t and you suck.

Your brain doesn’t go.

I’m here like.

All the other things going on at the time, which is why you were in that position.

And you don’t think I I can.

I’ve got all this other **** going on now that you know might mean actually you should.

Think about these things because you are in a completely different situation.

Right like?

And and I think so many like I think you see it often with mums to write who are like trying to get to where your body was before or trying to get back to a similar kind of routine and schedule.

And it’s like.

You just birthed a ******* human like your body is gone, like done something incredibly amazing.

So and and it took bucking 40 weeks hopefully to get to that point.

So it’s going to take time for it.

To all you know, sort itself out.

But also. You’re not like your schedule is not gonna be like your circle.

You literally now have one, if not more tiny people to take care.

Of yeah, which means stuffs gonna look different than it did before you.

Before that was the case right?

And they get it’s like it goes back to just like you can figure out what you’re now and your.

Future looks like and it you know you take what you can from the past, right?

Then you learn from experiences, but you can take those to mold something new or to carve that new path.

You don’t have to.

Get back.

To what was?

Considered yeah, in the past right so?

Lydia

We’re moving forward.

Neens

Exactly exactly.

Lydia

And I think as well like when I think about how I navigate those things.

It’s like whether it’s I’m in the gym and whether I’m you know, ’cause I I’m human too.

And like as much as I preach as a coach about because I’ve gone through my own yeah journey of focusing too much on the aesthetic.

Hot like how?

I looked and I lost my period and all.

That **** as well.

Well and like learning through there it was like OK, yeah, I really want to focus on performance and get strong, but I also had those days where I’m very much like picking apart how I look and I should be looking a certain way and or why do I have Cellulite there?

And you know, I’ll literally be in the gym and I’ll have my gym journal.

And when I notice those thoughts like I start writing that.

Cut out ’cause I’m like, you know I, you know literally the other day I was writing in my journal.

Like I can feel myself picking myself apart like I’m focusing so much on the ****** stuff and what I find with the business and with my fitness journey.

What helps for me is if I do notice that I’m doing those.

Things it’s one becoming aware of them.

So like you said, actually becoming aware of those thoughts and feelings, writing them down so I can actually process them to, but then also noticing it’s where I’m focusing on and like shifting my perspective to one of like actually for like, for example, if it’s a business thing I have started on a Sunday writing.

My wins of the week, so I will literally write down all the things that I’m winning.

So like.

You said before.

Once Upon a time I had zero clients, you know.

And then if you have one client that week, extra client, I actually have a client now you know, like that’s a win, or if it’s in the gem.

If I’ve been focusing on all the negative things, it’s like.

Actually, let’s shift my focus to what can I do now?

What can my body do for me?

How, like, Oh my God, I actually have so much more muscle now I can actually lift so much more now, you know, and it’s actually shifting that focus because I think at the end of the day, what we want, it all comes back to a feeling that we want.

So whether it’s in business.

Whether it’s in fitness.

We think we want this goal because it’s going to give us a certain feeling.

So if we can actually shift our focus to the feeling that we want and it’s not being fake, it’s not like, Oh yeah, OK.

I feel positive and good about my body.

It’s actually just shifting to the thing that you can feel like **** Yeah, I actually do feel stronger and then that feels way better than focusing on all the ship.

That you know you’re not and.

It’s not that you’re being fake.

You’re still being very honest because it is actually how you.

Feel if that makes sense.

So I think it’s yeah being aware of like what you’re actually focusing on, understanding where you know if those thoughts and feelings are coming up, why they’re coming up and again, harder and harder.

Easier said than done to not judge yourself for feeling those things ’cause you know that oh, this is not conducive.

But I’m still ******* ripping myself apart.

But not beating yourself up, allowing those things to show up and process them.

But then also, yeah, like OK, I’m focusing so much on like what I don’t have where I’m not at blah blah blah blah blah.

Why don’t I actually shift my focus to what actually have I achieved, like wherever I’ve come from, you know so much?

I’ve actually worked through so much and I’m.

Actually, on this trajectory to like awesome badassery, so let’s focus on.

Match it.

Neens

Yeah, and like our brains have this negativity bias right?

So it will always be easier for our brain, so it’s it’s a safety mechanism and a relief act.

That way, right?

Like, so it’ll always focus on.

The negative, the bad stuff.

The ship that’s going wrong.

So actually celebrating the stuff that goes well, takes like initially it takes a lot more effort, but it can be so awesome to see.

And I I actually like in my chickens with clients.

I literally have a question asking them their wins for the week and it can be.

Anything right like could be like their business owners and have a couple of business owners in there.

You know some of it is business related like hiring someone or you know a good accountant, meaning or something else.

But it could be there.

They could be having PBS like it could be anything, right?

Because it also all intersex is, you know, like we’re one human.

So a lot of that stuff.

Into six, so we have to pay.

You know, we have to.

Make sure we sell it, not necessarily even you know if we have a specific goal we’re working with.

The quote John.

Celebrate anything else as well, ’cause it’s all now if you have a shared day at work, that’s gonna influence how you show up in the gym, right?

But then equal and so it all intersects.

So celebrate, you know if you have a good day at work where if you get, you know, had a great meeting at work.

Celebrate that because it’ll keep you, you know, looking over time, right?

And I think there’s there’s been studies and things and I I don’t have the actual yeah citations or anything, but it’s like it actually is.

You know, if you start to.

Focus on that stuff more.

Your brain will want to start like it’ll start looking for those things.

It’s like this.

Oh what’s it called?

Did it and you need us here?

Oh, it’s called the reticular activation system but it’s and it’s like that phenomenon that I’m sure we’re all familiar with this like you buy a purple car.

Yeah, maybe not purple.

Maybe read you buy a red car or you buy. Even a particular.

Make right or a particular model and all of a sudden those are the only cars you see.

Like before, you are like no one was driving in a ******* purple car and now all you can see is purple.

Quite a bit is literally, that is.

That effect.

Is that what you’re, you know, because you.

You now have a beautiful car.

You left And you’re walking down the. Street right, but it’s a.

Similar thing with like gratitude and and your wins, right?

It’s like the more you look for, the more the more you celebrate them and you like, you know, recognize them.

The more your brain will be that I am this good thing happened today or in this all the you know it doesn’t mean none of this, by the way, means that you’re not going to have a day where your brains like your ******* shitpost person.

You’ll you know why the **** are you doing this?

You can’t be like I was on a web.

I watched a webinar yesterday by a clinical psychologist.

About perfectionism and literally the 1st 10 minutes shows up.

I just spotted a ******* spelling mistake.

And I spent an hour before this.

Women are going through my slide deck, making sure there’s no spelling mistakes.

And yet here’s another one right?

And, you know, I’m here to talk to you about perfectionism.

Still shows up for me.

Do right like all the other stuff that we never ever done working on some of these things, but.

You can get better at recognizing them and it’s celebrating.

The good stuff.

What and what?

It doesn’t mean you have to drown.

Out the city should either ’cause it all as part.

Of the journey.

Yeah, but I feel like so often a lot of content in the past and like messaging focus so much on.

Being down on ourselves and not beating ourselves up and having to white knuckle.

And, you know, do all of these things.

You know, it’s kind of we need to swing the type the other way, and like another good thing.

To maybe remind ourselves and you listening off as well, and this is something that.

Uhm, I’ve seen a few quotes.

Just talk about and it’s so true.

Is that you know when you do see someone facing?

You know their meal prepping and you know their gym schedules on point and you know they you know get the transformation thereafter or they get the business there after you know, like discipline and work on all these other things like you think it’s because of those things.

But they’ve actually just.

Spent a lot of time. Honing in certain skills.

Right like being able to manage their time well is a skill.

Being able to manage their mind and their self talk is a skill, right?

Lowering the barrier for yourself on the days when you’re not motivated because they will happen, but getting in and getting something done.

That’s a skill, and they’ve just, you know, it looks effortless because they’ve had time.

They’ve spent time building those skills, and because their skills, it means there’s something you can do to.

Yeah, that’s the other thing with that comparison and this kind of.

It’s like you think some of these.

Things are. Unattainable, they’re not. Most of them might. I mean, are there things like genetics and some other ship that plays a part 100% privilege 100%?

But a lot of those things are skills, mental, physical or otherwise that you can learn and build and keep chipping away at it over time. It doesn’t mean it’s it’s not attainable.

Lydia

Yeah, and I think like going off.

What you’ve just said as well. It’s like you can use with it.

You’re comparing against yourself or other people.

You can use that as a fuel to then you know.

Obviously focus on your journey and use it as a good thing.

Like yeah, maybe you did need to feel that ****** feeling in order to actually get you to take.

Action, like maybe you had to have.

That feeling to think like.

**** yeah.

Like maybe really think about what it is that you’re doing or why you’re doing it a certain way and actually get you to take action because you don’t actually want to settle in this certain aspect of your life.

And it’s not because you’re trying to be them or be better than them or whatever, but maybe you just kind of needed that little nudge and be.

Like actually ship like.

Yeah, I don’t know that thing or I I’m not where I want to be in my fitness journey.

Or actually yeah, I do want to get better in my business and maybe you can use that as fuel to be like ****

Yeah, I’m gonna actually take some action and I want to be better.

I wanna feel good in this certain aspect of my life.

Neens

Yeah 100%.

My brains just conked out again.

So I was gonna say but.

I honestly I think this is.

Maybe maybe we need to start wrapping it up. ’cause I think my brains trying to say and then take the rest of the weekend off means you need to, you know, write your essay next week.

Just just hang out with the with the puppy and the family or whatever.

Uhm, so maybe on that now unless there was anything specific that you were keen to talk about.

Maybe we can wrap it up and you keep telling.

Where they can find you, and obviously we’re going to put all of that in the show notes so that it’s easy to click on and find.

Uhm, so yeah, I’ll put it over to you.

If there’s any last famous last words you want to say. That’s just like it’s.

Lydia

Awesome yeah.

Honestly I think it’s so great how like we like there was a few things that we were going to talk about and we’ve just kind of like fully dived in on this thing and I think it’s great ’cause I can feel like we get so passionate and excited and feed off each other and I think.

That is awesome, and the fact that you can actually acknowledge like hey yeah I feel about cooked now.

I think we should wrap this up.

That’s awesome because.

You’re respecting that, like you know I.

I think that’s so good, like we’ve talked about that and we could go into a whole.

Another episode about you know.

Neens

We’ll just have to.

We’ll just have to keep we’re just we’re just gonna have to keep recording these every few months. Yeah, I. Think so. It’ll just be a recurring guest guest on on the show maybe.

Lydia

Yeah, I feel like we have so. Many things to talk about, but. Yes, we can wrap. It up where you can find me is you can find me.

At coachLydia.

On Instagram, so there’s like a few underscores in there that maybe we can just write.

Neens

I’ll make sure. Yep, it’s in this write notes.

Lydia

And also at the bad ask collective as well on Instagram. And you can also find me at my website www.coachlydia.com.

Neens

Awesome, we will put all of those in the show notes and I think I’ll sit there for like the third time now. So and unless.

There’s anything else I keep thinking.

Maybe I should have like these, you know?

Right?

Rapid fire questions?

Or, you know, lots of people ask, UM, their host Bob. I just came out and that was literally just what came into my brain, so I don’t have anything, so we’ll wrap it up there.

Thank you so much for making time on your weekend to have this chat. I think that’s I can’t wait to listen back to it to find like you.

Know the little. Now these to tease out for up to promote it on social media, but also to do the transcript.

Neens

’cause I I’d do A transcript for all of these. I’m just going to be like mammoth task to try and correct, UM? The auto correct that will come up.

Unless there’s anything else you’ve got you wanted to say, we’ll wrap it up there.

Thank you all for listening, and I’ll catch you next time.

Until then, stay curious.

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