The Rules Are Made Up is a podcast for curious overthinkers and perfectionists who want to explore the intersection of mental wellbeing, personal growth and everything else in our lives – because we’re one whole human!
Together we’ll start to question and dismantle the rules and shoulds we live our lives by – because they’re made up! So why not make our own?
Tune in each week as we discuss tools and strategies to challenge our own thinking and expectations, touch on important concepts and topics encompassing mental welbeing and mental health and get curious to figure out how we can navigate life with a little more compassion and a little less fuck-it spirals.
I was asked by someone recently what my big scary dream is.
I don’t actually think it’s scary to me anymore but it is big and a bit out there based on what I’m currently doing…
It’s to build my own hybrid therapy/coaching practice, where I can straddle the very important hard line I currently need to draw between coaching and therapy. As much as I want to help others grow and develop, I want to be able to fully support the human in front of me depending on what’s going on.
In order to do that, I need to complete my current qualification (which I will do by the end of 2024) and tack on a few more years of postgrad study and internships.
I turned 37 a few months ago so by the time I can make this dream a reality, I'll be in my 40s.
You may go “ok so what Neens?”
That’s a great point - because so what? It’s what I want to do and it’s what lights my soul on fire - like when I talk to others about it I get all mushy and butterflies 🤓
But you know what’s a bit fucked?
That part of me is trying to discount this dream because it’s ‘too late’. Like wtf do I think I’m doing, I’m almost 40.
That doubt doesn’t last long though… and then I get ragey.
Because first of all, how did we get to the point of calling our thirties late?
Secondly, who decided we should have one career AND we need to choose what it is as early as possible? That’s a rhetorical question btw (and the answer is the patriarchy).
Btw this isn’t directed at anyone who figured out what they wanted to do earlier in life - I think that’s awesome!
This IS directed at the fucked up ways we internalise what (western) society tells us when it comes to careers and paths we’re meant to follow.
Here’s to doing the thing, whether you’re 25 or 38 or 47.
Here’s to switching careers a bunch and gaining skills along the way!
Here’s to dreaming big and making shit happen - on your terms and your timeline.
#challengethenarrative #therulesaremadeup #getcurious #notyourtypicalmindfulnesscoach #onlinecoach #innerlevelcoaching
If I could wave a magic wand and have everyone in the world understand one thing, this be would be a top contender.
We can get so caught up in wanting to do things perfectly that we put ourselves in a place where we end up not doing anything at all.
The perfect meal prep, nutrition plan or business plan means jack shit if you can’t actually implement it because your expectations are too high.
Don’t get it twisted - nothing wrong with having expectations of yourself and goals to achieve but they need to be realistic and compassionate, taking into account where YOU are and where YOU want to be. Not just a copy + paste from something you’ve seen other people do (in your real life circle or on the interwebs).
So for the rest of this week - can you challenge yourself a bit by asking yourself these questions:
🤔 Where can you lower the barrier?
🤔 Where can you figure out what ok or good enough looks like to get something done instead of chasing perfection and not doing anything?
🤔 How can you challenge your own expectations of what a perfect workout/meal/workday looks like and come up with a good enough version, in case life gets lifey?
🤔 Where can you show yourself compassion and remind yourself that good enough is just that, good enough - because you still showed up for yourself, you still got shit done. Just maybe not in the way you had envisioned in your head…
Those also happen to be the types of questions I ask my 1:1 clients - so if you need someone prompting you and encouraging you to think about something differently, check the link in my bio for more info and to apply 🤓
#doneandperfectarenotthesamething #dontbeadicktoyourself #getcurious #screwtheshoulds #notyourtypicalmindfulnesscoach #innerlevelcoaching
So I shared a reel earlier and a comment from @karinnordinphd made me think (she has that effect on a lot of people I think 😉).
Instead of complaining about the use and meaning of certain words or phrases - why not redefine it?
And then the lightbulb went off - I talk about made up rules a lot (so much that I named my podcast The Rules Are Made Up!) yet I didn’t apply that to those phrases.
I’ve stuck to their original meaning and tried to position that as the shitty meaning when actually, I get to challenge that and define what it means for me.
And so do you. You get to define what you make things mean for you!
In the context of that reel, maybe that’s taking a phrase like “finish strong” and turning it on its head (although that perspective is relative 🤓 ) by making it mean that you’re finishing the year by maintaining your current pace and focus.
Or maybe “finish strong” for you really is pushing for the next few weeks because that’s the season you’re in and you’ve got capacity to do it.
When it comes down to it, my aim is to get you curious about your mind and get you to tune in a bit more so you can notice things. And to challenge yourself whether you really need to do something because you want to vs being told it’s what you should be doing (or even because you’ve done it like that for the past 3 years).
And to be ok with changing your mind, actually to not just be ok with that but to seek it out. To seek out situations that make you think and ponder 🤔
That’s why I do what I do and what I work on with my 1:1 clients - bringing awareness to thought patterns and starting to challenge those thoughts from a place of curiosity.
And as this example shows - doing this is a practice (even for someone who coaches others on doing this). It’s not something you learn once and you’re set.
There will always be opportunities to challenge your thinking and to change your mind - both of which make life a lot more interesting I reckon 🤓
#changingyourmind #dontbeadicktoyourself #getcurious #challengeyourthinking #notyourtypicalmindfulnesscoach #innerlevelcoaching
I made a boo-boo the other day and misread some written comms (something that can happen often!).
Why am I telling you this?
Because context matters, not just when we’re communicating with others and especially on social media.
It also matters when it comes to YOU.
Your context matters
- what you have going on right now (do you work? Run your own biz? Are you parenting? Doing fitness things?)
- where you live (is it safe? Noisy? Do you have to commute for hours on end)
- are you in a season of wanting to grow? Or are you ok with what’s going on?
Those are just a few things but they all differ between us - so of course how you show up every day and navigate life will be too.
Coaching (in any capacity) should take that into consideration. Because a tired AF corporate mum with a mortgage won’t have the same goals and be able to do the same things as an entrepreneur who has control over their schedule.
Are there similarities? Probably. I mean we all deal with similar shit when it comes to how we’re being dicks to ourselves:
Letting the inner critic takeover
Catastrophising and giving too many fucks
Holding ourselves to unrealistic standards and chastising ourselves for not meeting them…
BUT (and it’s a big one): how that impacts us and especially the tools or strategies we use to navigate that will be different.
Because they need to be. They need to be appropriate for what you’re going through and want to focus on.
And that’s exactly what we do when you’re a 1:1 client of mine.
We check in weekly and you get feedback AND homeworker based on your goal, your challenges AND your context.
And some weeks that looks like a workbook to work through and some extra podcasts, some weeks it’s nothing because you’ve got so much going on that adding more shit on your plate is notf. what you need.
That’s why context matters 🤓
#contextmatters #getcurious #screwtheshoulds #notyourtypicalmindfulnesscoach #innerlevelcoaching